Dark thought, sorry

Autism is particularly cruel because it messes with your senses. A child with Downs Syndrome will still be able to see the world in a similar way to a neuro-typical person. Sun is warm and bright, music is pleasant. Water is water. But Autism can make the sun hurt your eyes, water can be torture, music can hurt your ears. This is why Autistic kids scream. Just the colour red can overwhelmingly hurt their eyes. And some of them can't even tell anyone what the problem is. Just the feel of carpet or any fabric on their skin can upset them. No control over feelings or emotions. It's awful to think of. I'm lucky, I get overwhelmed sometimes but I can talk.  Sometimes though, I don't even realise why I'm upset. And when I do, I dismiss my own feelings, because I have learned that my feelings are not important. It's really rather awful. I am just going to have to learn what upsets me, and avoid it. It's one reason I hate buying clothes. So many fabrics are inappropriate for me to wear, they upset me. And I still hate water. I keep forgetting that I'm Autistic. Haha! Then I tell myself, "Come on, grow up! You're 33 now, it's time you stopped feeling like this!" But this is it. This is me. I can't do or be any more than what I am. I have pushed myself to the limit of my ability to cope. I need to remember that, and be more patient with myself. Strange thought for 6:30 in the morning. But there you go.
God bless
Xxxxxx