Religon and blogs

Good morning.

This is my first try at a proper blog, I have signed up for a different one but it was so restrictive and not very user friendly so this is my first real attempt.

It is rainy today.
I feel happy even so, because I just made 10 dollars. >_<
I work for a nice lady, cleaning her house every Monday. Well, I say cleaning, but really it's just very light housework, dusting, wiping her glass table, vacuuming and so on.
I clean other people's places a lot... but do you know I hadn't vacuumed my own flat for over a month? (Until yesterday) Possibly about 3 months. And I hadn't washed my dishes for two weeks...

Why am I writing in this blog?
I think it is because secretly, everyone wants to share their thoughts and feelings with the whole world, but not be judged - no, that isn't quite what I meant. I meant that everyone wants to share their true feelings anonymously, (I hope I spelt that correctly) so that if they are put down or laughed at, they can shrug it off easier because the person who made fun of them doesn't really know who they are at all. It's just another mask or facade to hide behind in this harsh, unforgiving, vicious world. Unfortunately, this feeling of safety is very fragile. I know this as I have experienced the breaking of this feeling very often.

Another reason to have a blog is to be noticed, to have people post on your posts and admire your thoughts, stroke the old ego. I should like that. I'm afraid that I am very proud. I need ego boosting. But I am also painfully truthful. The truth is like an operation, it hurts, but it is necessary. I am not cruel. The person I hurt the most with the truth is myself, I can't hurt others, it is not in my nature, I should like to think.

I'm using this blog to pour out my heart, perhaps in the slightly perverse hope that I can be noticed. I don't like to be noticed much by people face to face, but I do yearn and thirst for acceptance by people who don't know me, and who I may never meet. I think it is natural for human beings to long for acceptance and admiration. I realise this. So I am not going to try to become an obnoxious, odious, nasty person to ward others off, as I did when I was younger. It made me enemies and I lost my friends. I thought it was being 'tough' and 'standing up for myself', but it was not. I became a very unpleasant person, and I am still struggling to regain the last vestiges of my true kind self.

By writing in this blog, I can tell everyone what I think about anything, and nobody will know unless they stumble on this little online diary. I can be an anonymous celebrity, if I can build a little fan base. I have seen blogs which have a fan base. It made me a little jealous and annoyed, because I wish to have people tell me that what I believe and think is profound or the 'right' belief. I know I may be telling you too much, but I have found that if you are honest, people know where they stand with you. Anyway, I couldn't handle sensless flattery, it embarrasses me. I would like to have discussions with people on important things.

As for this blog, I will not stick at it, I can promise you that.
:)
A somewhat odd promise, but I can keep it.
I never stick at online blogs, or clubs or anything like that. I tire of them, but now and then energy surges and I go back to type with fervour.
I have never truly been myself online, because I am afraid that if I am, I will not be accepted.
This has happened before, both online and in the 'real' world.

I will endeavour to be myself all the time. I have made myself this promise. Maybe if I work hard, I will become peaceful. I am trying for that.

I had also better tell you now, to get it over with.
I am a Christian. I do not really have a denomination, but I do go to an Anglican church at the moment. I don't like religon, it traps people into believing in their priests and in their trappings, and in the church's ceremony, not in God.

You should not ask a person for absolution or dispersion of your sins, ask God. A man cannot cleanse you. You should not pray to a statue of Jesus or anyone else, pray to Jesus Himself!
Touching the body of a dead 'saint' will not heal you or help you. A dead 'saint' cannot do anything for you. So many people look at the evangelists and preachers, they look to other people for answers when they need to read the Bible. People would rather watch a movie or video or read 'summaries' of the Bible than read the real thing.

Sorry, got up on the soap box there.

It will happen many more times.

Well, thats enough out of me for today.

I'm not cute or perky or easy on the eyes or ears, but there's too many internet blogs out there which are junk food for the mind, instead of real food.
I'm not saying I'm real food, but I'm more real than a lot of the fluffy blogs out there.
Substance, but not a pretty style.

And I will not apologise for my opinions. If you disagree with me, go ahead and tell me, but do not swear or threaten me. If you make valid points, well, maybe I'm wrong. If you can prove it, take a shot at it. I'm open to a good discussion, not a debate. In a debate, nobody is listening, they're just lining up their next shot.

Oh, also, in case you don't understand Japanese, my blog's name means Genius's Diary.
Its a joke from a long time ago, calling myself genius. But my friend called herself 'Bug' so I guess I chose a fairly flattering name, albeit a gross exaggeration.
:)
God Bless you today.