I want to hear people with Aspergers talking about how they think and feel and what they notice about themselves. We aren't so different to neuro-typicals (people without any form of autism) that we can't provide our own actual, factual information about how our minds work. It isn't scientific research. It's actual, real information. Empirical, if you like. But apparently that word is no longer the coming thing in intellectual circles.
Anyway...
One thing that bugs me the most is when people keep on bringing out that ol' hoary chestnut about how Aspies can't recognise other people's non-verbal cues. That is INCORRECT.
If you want to be more accurate (and accuracy is important because otherwise we come off as heartless robots), then you should clarify it by saying that we see and hear the same as other people, but we process it differently.
I am overly sensitive to other people's body language and tone of voice. I recognise these things, alright! If anything, I OVER-interpret them. I get worried easily that someone is upset or angry. If they aren't then I'm wrong. But I never ignore or dismiss other people's feelings or reactions. Quite the contrary.
And so because that is how MY mind works, it is only natural to say that there are likely other Aspies who are the same. The thing is, how WE react to this information that we are processing is what makes people think we don't care about them. Sometimes I blank out in anxiety. That makes me seem weird or uncaring. Sometimes I simply do not know what to do in such a situation, and I may react by trying to ignore it in case I am not supposed to react in such a social situation. So then I can be interpreted as cold or strange or mean. However this is not what is actually happening in my head.
For other Aspies who may flatly state, 'I don't care.' when someone says, 'You really upset Linda when you said she was stupid.', it doesn't really mean they don't care. It's simple (ok maybe not simple but here goes!).
They were annoyed or confused or offended by Linda for some reason (likely she said something they considered foolish or offensive) and so the quickest way to get out of the situation is to resort to brutal bluntness (or maybe some would call it brutal honesty). Then Linda is upset.
However, some people do not care about the Aspie person's feelings because they don't 'fit' the social structure of the workplace or wherever you happen to be.
Therefore Linda is 'acting' correctly or 'normally' and the Aspie (which could be me, or whoever) is not acting according to the script of 'normality'.
So despite the fact that Linda is guilty of doing or saying something offensive or wrong and is, in the Aspie's mind, 'wrong'; because she commits this error in a socially acceptable way within the strange script of our culture, she is still right.
Linda's reactions fit. The Aspie's actions do not fit. So the Aspie is deemed wrong.
However if you look at this situation from an Aspie view, it is simple.
The person with Aspergers thinks:
"Linda is wrong.
I am right.
Why did she say that?
I do not know what someone else would do in this situation.
I will just get out of it quickly.
She must be stupid to say that.
I should tell her so that she knows she is wrong because otherwise it's not fair."
Aspie tells her she is wrong or even stupid.
Linda is upset.
Aspie thinks:
"What do I do NOW?
Oh for goodness sake I GIVE UP.
This is becoming a drag. I need to move on."
Aspie escapes situation as quickly as possible.
Later, when the Aspie is disliked for being so rude to poor Linda, the Aspie is mightily sick of the whole undertaking and wants it OVER so says, 'I don't care.'
Then the Aspie is upset because people are mean to him or her, or get angry. Sometimes they can understand why but don't know how to fix it or even avoid it happening again, and sometimes they lack the introspection to even know why.
Because this type of thing happens constantly, especially because in my experience, there are certain types of people who when they perceive someone who doesn't 'fit', or is weaker, will bully them or tease them deliberately; many Aspies become afraid or withdraw from most social interactive situations. Some are scared. Some just have tried and failed a particular amount of times and at some point (often by the time they are teenagers) have said to themselves, 'Forget it. Nobody understands me.' and so they give up.
Many Aspies (but not all!) have little patience with social situations because a lot of the time they either don't make logical sense or they can be complicated, often having a case by case or casuistic law application (I may be using the word casuistic incorrectly...).
It's kind of like, because social situations are often very subtle, and change so quickly according to each person and how that person is feeling and so on in ways that possibly we humans are still not quite aware of, many Aspies feel it is not worth the effort to try and make sense of it all. One reason may be that many Aspies like things to be clear cut or honest. It is more efficient. Or more honest. It depends upon what kind of thinker the Aspie is.
So I get annoyed because it is all a lot more complicated than these learned people who love to lecture want to point out. They love to lecture for hours on history or symptoms of illnesses and so on, but when it comes to trying to really get to the bottom of why so many people with Aspergers make so many social mistakes and faux pas, they can't be bothered to get their facts straight or at least stop generalising.
Now I know a lot of these people would argue that audiences and students these days want everything explained in short lectures of 20 minutes or less, with bullet points and pictures and so on, but sometimes you can't have that!
Besides, all you have to do is say something like, 'Not all people with AS.' or 'some people appear to ...' instead of, 'They do this. This is what they do. This is what they think. No, I don't have AS. I just study it. Yes, reading books means I know everything about it even though I have never experienced it myself.'
I am ssooooo over that.
I learned a LOT when I was studying to get my BA in Theology.
Interestingly, I learned a lot about academia in general rather than simply the topics my papers were on.
And there are some things that I have not forgotten.
Firstly, if you with your BA or PhD can't explain the basics of something in a short conversation to someone who doesn't have a degree, you are pretty useless to the rest of the world. Remember, you study not just to learn. What use is knowledge unless it is shared?
You need to be able to stay grounded and not go live in your lovely scholarly ivory tower away from everyone else. That is unhealthy and essentially pointless. You may be very productive and churn out books and articles. But what use is that to people who don't read long books full of jargon?
I know, I know, I am leaving out the fact that educated people with power and money (always money) can change the world by passing laws and so on but I mean REAL change, in people's minds. People operate mostly inside their own heads.
Laws aren't always obeyed. But if enough people in a particular culture believe something is true, that belief can make it pass for true in that culture. So! If you can reach people on their own level, if you can explain things to them, educate them then you can create REAL lasting change. To give a quick example, educating people about hygiene will mean that they will start washing their hands more and so on, and there will be less sick people. It's no good making it the law to wash your hands if people don't believe it's a good law. They will simply not bother to do it unless someone is watching them all the time and enforcing that law 24-7. So if you reach people's minds, you cna create lasting change, and the beauty of that is, they will teach others. It spreads.
Secondly, people who study and learn word for word, and think themselves intelligent, are fools. You learn in order to think, not just blindly copy and parrot other people's stuff. Regurgitating information without applying it is pointless.
I have met people who managed to graduate with degrees who are idiots. They never think.
They argue with everyone and smugly quote scholars.
But if you want them to think about what it all means, to speculate and come up with new ideas, they can't.
Or perhaps, won't. They are either too dumb or too scared.
I think mostly too scared.
Most people are not really dumb.
Which leads to my third point.
Most people could get a degree, if they chose a subject they were willing to spend about 3 or 4 years on.
It only requires discipline and some thought. If you put in the time and the work, you can pass and get a degree.
You don't have to be a genius. It's similar to doing an office job really, in terms of paperwork and deadlines and so on.
Some people do their job without using their brain or initiative much. But they still get their work done.
Other people love their job. Both sets of people are employed and can remain so for 3-4 years.
Why can't those two groups or types of people get degrees?
They CAN!
You don't need to be that smart. Anyway, I have observed (from what they say and how they act) a lot of people think they aren't intelligent enough or they are mentally lazy.
Or they are like me, I find somethings insurmountable until I turn them around in my brain so that I can find a way of understanding them.
If you like, call it an angle. What angle do I look at it from? Like a movie or a photo.
The way a scene is framed can change the way the picture or scene looks. Same with lighting and zoom.
I am feelings driven so if I feel good, I can be much more efficient. How I feel about something can change how much I am willing to believe I can achieve. A lot more of what we can do is affected by how we feel than we realise. How you look at something can change whether or not you feel or think that you can do it.
Some people say they aren't 'academic'. I knew people studying with me who couldn't grasp stuff without having a discussion group about it, or who were dyslexic or who couldn't spell at all! All those people graduated.
It's about making your studies work for you. If you aren't a classroom type, sit through class and then find a friend or classmate to talk to afterwards, to give you a rundown on what you need to do for your assignments and so on. If you have learning difficulties, get help. There is help most of the time for people who don't speak English well, or who have learning difficulties.
Believe and you will achieve.
What a lame slogan. But it's true.
Well enough lecturing for now.
Lunchtime.
:)
No comments:
Post a Comment