Writing inspiration

I have so much out there that I like, but I think my main inspiration is Tove Jansson, and has been for some time.

I just love her style of writing and her artwork too.

She doesn't have to make everything clear, there are a lot of unexplained things her characters say or do, which may be a culturally based thing, but for me it doesn't matter.

I can still love how she doesn't pull her punches and makes her characters say and do mean or bad things, but then they are not made out to be specifically Bad or Good.

Life is often like that, good people do bad things and vice versa.

I wonder how much of her stuff is based on cultural assumption? Maybe I will never know.

But even though I am not Finnish, I still love her work.

I am slowly collecting it.

I prefer European stuff, especially English, like Alice in Wonderland and Peter Pan.

The originals are so much better than the bland modern adaptations!

So is Winnie the Pooh.

Most things are, in fact.

American stuff is somehow less nuanced most of the time. I have read some American stuff and they are more open and florid in their writing as a rule, especially these days.

That's great at times when I want a snack, but it can give me mental indigestion.

I prefer the English fare. It's like a cup of tea and a cinnamon tea cake. Delicious and not unhealthy but certainly not the usual food.

I may have a limited palate.

But I am happy.

In the end, we must do what we can to be happy wherever we can.

Pursue happiness in a harmless way and you can feel secure that your happiness is purer.

I hope that my writing will be considered good, one day.

I don't want fame, and money to live off would be good, but in the end, I want to be able to make others enjoy what I write and be a real published writer.

:)

The end of the world. See you there!

The end of the world and judgement day and so on, well, I suppose you can choose not to believe in it.

I believe because it seems to me that all the things we have learned and achieved would be for nothing if there was not a great conclusion.

I want a tombstone that says, 'See you later.'

If it was 'See you soon', that's kinda scary in a black comedy kinda way, although true if you consider that it would mean, 'everyone dies.'

Anyway, I hope that judgement day happens and that we can all see each other again.

If I choose not to believe, it doesn't matter if that thing I have chosen not to believe in, exists outside of my belief. Which I like to think that God does. Of course I can't prove it empirically. But my not-being-dead is a type of proof.

If God existed only in our minds...

If He only existed within the human mind. Well, He wouldn't be very great at all.

And He'd be a series of impossible contradictions because everyone would want to make Him differently.

I don't need to give Him capitals. But it is kinda respectful.

Maybe it's too much. I don't think he cares either way.

It seems that God does appear to be a series of contradictions at first.

But then I really thought hard about the difference between the God of the Old Testament, and the God of the New Testament. And it hit me.

God changed his approach.

That is all.

If you look at the cultures, expectations and beliefs of people at the time of writing the Scriptures, they had changed.

And so God was careful to approach people in a way that they would understand.

It sorta worked. Over 2000 years of belief.

I wonder if there were a third testament, what would it be like?

If you look at world history since 2000 something years ago, you can sorta see how the third testament would look. It's fascinating.

Gaming update

In Pokemon Black I was worried because there were not any swarms being reported on the noticeboards. But then I found out that it can happen in Winter because the swarm pokemon of that day was a water pokemon in an iced-up region, so could not be reported, e.g. Croagunk on route eight.

Now that it is not Croagunk, the swarm report is back. It was gone for a while!

I was worried but actually I think I have already caught all of the available swarm pokemon.

So I don't need to worry about missing out.

I wish there were more swarm pokemon, and that they have more event giveaways in my country.

I missed out on getting Mew and Celebii and Jirachi because I was not even aware that I could get them from the wi-fi...

Ah well, I will be able to keep checking and hopefully they will give away more pokemon!

I am so sad that I couldn't get all of the shiny roamers... But Suicune is my fave anyway.

I also nearly clocked Explorers of Sky.

Man, I love Spinda's Cafe... ^o^

I wish we had Pokemon Cafe in the Global Link but maybe they are working on getting it for non-Japanese gamers even as I type.

So excited and hopeful. They have cute stuff.

I want to go the Pokemon Center stores in Japan (or America?).

We don't have them here and it is hard to get good Pokemon merchandise. I want the real thing!

Well, I had a fight with my mother and although I shrugged it off to diffuse the situation at the time, now that I am alone I realise it made me feel quite unsettled.

Do I really want to move in with my family?

It's hard for me to be independent as it is... living with them will make it harder.

We need to re-evaluate our relationships now that we are all adults.

Mum tends to try to make us happy and we tend to take her for granted, and also we are lazy.

But then mum has her annoying things too, I just don't want to have to deal with all of that stuff.

Maybe it's easier to just not live with them.

That's the only good thing about dad being gone. Don't have to deal with his stuff as well.

Although I'm still trying to deal with him leaving even after 8 years or so...

I wonder, do normal adults have these kinds of problems, or is it just people like me, who are immature or late bloomers? I have a convenient (still newly discovered) reason, my ASD.

But still, I want to get more mature.

It's just that when I know I have to make a tough choice I tend to panic and dither and get so confused and stressed.

I take a long time to deal with stuff.

I needed to have been living here for over a year before I really felt comfortable, and to be honest I'm still not sure I can relax here.

I never felt like anywhere was a place where I can relax and feel like I really belong.

If I move in with family it will be HARD!

I'm learning to shrug things off a bit more, and try to relax.

It's not too hard, once you practice a bit.

I'm getting better, people say so, they say they've noticed. So that's good.

Getting better at life. Hehe what a weird thing.

But life is a whole process of learning about relationships with yourself, and others and God.

I hope I can improve more before I die.

I don't want to stay the same.

I want two things; a job that I can work at for a long time or even my whole life,

and a place where I can relax and know that it is MY place.

As for finding some guy to marry or whatever... it seems like I'm a thousand years too early for that.

Maybe one day, when I'm an old lady.

Should probably try before that, or I'll get too set in my ways.

I'm already pretty inflexible.

ASD again yay...

I don't like the word 'Asperger' or the term 'ASD' or 'neuro-typical'. But what can ya do? Everything needs its own specific terminology aka buzzwords.

Did you know? Hans Asperger only did research on males.

So female Aspies like me often get overlooked.

I guess there's room for improvement on our understanding of Asperger syndrome.

But then there's room for improvement on our understanding of everything.

I think that's what science can teach us above all.

Pluto isn't a planet?

Get out! I love Sailor Pluto.

Don't you tell me she can't be a senshi anymore.

Don't go there!

Right.

Gotta go.

Btw; key for any Pokemon game: Revives, whether they be in dungeon as reviver seeds, or in the usual games as medicine. Stock up! With them, you can beat any enemy. Persevere!

I'm gonna go play now.

Stupid! Lame!

Guys are as lame in most manga as girls are.

They are either totally hard core out to fight for respect (sometimes not by fighting physically) and finding a worthy nakama/comrade or they are evil sick mthfkrs, or they are a mix of both, which is weird but hey. Looking to belong to a crew. Even if they are loners, they have to admit they need others, because even though we don't like to admit it, or even believe it is not true, humans are made to need others, even if we hate that.

Girls are either caring and stupid, or caring and smart, or selfish scheming cows, or a mix. Looking for love and friendship to belong.

B.O.R.I.N.G.

Life is boring.

Today I watched another stupid ad on tv where the person used a stupid slang phrase in order to'reach' the 'target audience'. And I got angry again.

Why do we dumb ourselves down to fit in, or we try to hide our true selves and interests, for whatever stupid reason.

People are stupid, stupid, deliberately trying to be smart for whatever reason but in the end, others see what we do and hear what we say, and we are seen by them as stupid.

S.T.U.P.I.D.

Haha I'm stupid too, complaining so loudly at all the evil and foolishness in the world, alienating others because of my violent emotive outbursts, avoiding other people because I'm so V.U.L.N.E.R.A.B.L.E, what a damn joke.

Life is a big lousy test that nobody can ever get 100% at, except that one guy.

Man... I can't help but admire him. Even though I should be jealous.

But in the end, if I have to live exactly like him, I don't want 100%.

Whoooo that was a terrible thing to say.

But actually, I think it is impossible for an average or even above-average person to get 100% in life. I will be happy just to get a passing grade at the end.

So, stupidity is normal.

I need to accept my normalcy.

Is that a real word...?

Ah well.

In other news, Mr Black is getting much thinner and more decrepit looking. I wonder how much longer he will live?

His family is moving away soon.

So sad.

When I see him sitting in the sun with his tail curled around the support pipe of the fence, smiling to himself and basking, I feel very contented. He simply oozes, no, radiates contentment.

I need to be more like a cat in the sun.

He always greets me when I speak to him, he looks at me and half-closes his eyes politely and happily.

I like him.

He and his family are moving away quite soon, I think.

I will not get to see his absolute last days.

Maybe I don't want to.

When he moves, it is painful to watch him for he is so emaciated, like a coathanger with old fur on.

Poor thing. But you are not alone.

Life is like that when it is running out.

For everyone.

Isn't it?

:(

One day, I will be old, and sit in the sun. I will be happy... like Mr Black.

I hope.

My silent wish that I have not often spoken aloud (and for me that is amazing) is that I will not die unremembered and alone.

But considering that I have not married yet, or had children (and neither of these are mutually exclusive) I may not achieve that wish.

Perhaps God will help me.

After all, He is supposed to help those who can't help themselves.

I will have to ask.

:)

I wonder if it is good to be old and fat or old and thin.

I have bad circulation so putting weight on doesn't help to keep me warm.

I guess old and thin is easier for buying clothes and so on.

Hmmm!

Must think about that.

I do think of unimportant things, but that is because so many people out there worry and think or important things.

It is not my fault that I have nothing important to think on at the moment.

I can't wait to get back to work and think about work stuff.

Yay!