It's been a long time, hasn't it? I think.
A lot of bad things happened lately but hopefully it will all pan out in the end.
Anyway I took a trip which was very hard for me to do alone, but I managed ok with only one minor meltdown. And nobody really cared which was good.
I went to Osaka and Kyoto first, then Yamagata and Zao. My friend lives in Yamagata.
Here's some pics.
Nothing much to say really.
I just recently had my Asperger status really driven home so I'm going through a lot right now.
It's related to the bad things that happened.
Basically I need to stop taking out my emotions on other people. But it's very hard because I don't always notice when I do that. So it's hard to stop when you aren't aware. I have improved over the years but I need to try harder.
Also I never tell people I'm on the Autism Spectrum because it's hard to know how they will react, a lot of people don't know what that means or they think I'm making it up (why would I make up something like that for goodness sake). So reactions are not great.
Two friends I have told both immediately dismissed it or changed the subject. So I felt very much embarrassed and ashamed for telling them. One person even walked away when I was telling him after I was diagnosed and I started crying a little. I made him feel bad so I know that I can't tell people my problems, I know I'm over simplifying it but here's the thing, I can only learn from other people's reactions to what I say and do, because otherwise I never know what's going on. That's just how I am.
But I hate it when it goes bad and other people get upset, it makes me feel very sick and anxious and upset and tearful for weeks. I am not exaggerating. It has been three weeks since the last bad time, and I am only just recovering to the point where I don't feel sick and scared. I get paranoid and nauseous. Anyway enough of my problems, I hate thinking about it all. Only time and experience can help with this, I need to learn and change.
I just wish my learning and (hopefully) improving didn't come at the cost of upsetting other people.
Right! Cheerful! Pictures!
Kinkakuji in Kyoto. I went there on a school trip 17 years ago or so. I always remembered it.
So I wanted to return. It was nice of course.
This is the kimono forest in Kyoto. It's all kimono fabric wrapped around bamboo and encased in plastic. It isn't what I imagined, when my friend told me but it was still nice enough. And really it would have to be protected from mold, right?
Kyoto is famous for lots of places but I didn't really care about the shrines or temples in these areas because I have been to so many. So I went to the bamboo forest and I saw this cute snail.
Everyone who has been to Japan in Spring has a cherry blossom picture or two. This is mine. I have others but I like this one. Ok next pic is the last.
In Yamagata with my friend (who did not tell me she doesn't like hedgehogs until after we sat down at the table after paying...) at a hedgehog cafe. This one is called Gian, after a Doraemon character. He showed his little fangs so I wanted to use this pic. He kept pushing his face into the coffee cup sleeve, even when it was taken off of him. I understand, little dude. Life is urgh sometimes. Even though they are rodents, they have such sharp fangs! I was surprised. I mean, I know they eat snails and stuff but... Oh well. The one I picked up and held was a different one, and he kept nipping the gloves I wore very sharply and it pinched my hand. Don't mess with hedgehogs!
Anyway I had fun, despite crying every morning when I woke up and also feeling horrible anxiety, nausea and fatigue. Those feelings and the memory of them will fade. I know that, so I took lots of pics to keep the good memories.
One day maybe I can do things that other people do without it being tainted. I look forward to it.
Have a good day, you!
