Man being Autistic is a trip sometimes!

I tell you, if I had 10 cents for every time I weirded out about something I saw or heard or smelled or felt or tasted - I can't even calculate how much money I would have. I just ... I can't even explain what happens, I'm just overcome by sensation. Usually feelings, thoughts and images rush thick and fast in my head. It's a trip. I have to explain it somehow - it's like a form of strong emotion I guess. How you feel when you get a great idea, or when you have achieved something; except you haven't achieved it yet, you just want to. I guess it's like a vivid dream but you're awake. It's usually positive but it can be negative as if you're in a nightmare. Anyway I just got that from looking at a line on the wall. It's nuts, I tell you. I wanted to dance, laugh and make a painting all at once. I'm lucky it's mild for me and that I recognise it most of the time. I can pass for "normal" more easily these days. But I tell ya. Look out for other folks on the Autism Spectrum. They need gentle people around them who are really patient & gracious.

Valleys of dark introspection

I have over the years of my stormy youth (stormy emotionally, anyway), been through many dark valleys of introspection. Fortunately for me, I do have a core of common sense. That core of sensibility is why I am still alive now. The times I sat with a sharp knife in my hand, willing myself to cut away and die, were always ended by bitter laughter because I knew I had not got the courage. A person who is afraid to both live and die is miserably trapped, and that is how a large swathe of my life has been. I have always passed from sensation to sensation; joy, sorrow, despair, numbness. I could not feel truly connected to anyone around me because my emotions disrupted everything. I still have the same troubles but after a stint on antidepressants, I seem to be cured. I know the darkness and numbness and hollowness in the very centre of my being are still waiting in the wings, but so far I have been managing well. Depression and mood disorders are like volcanoes, they can be dormant forever or burst into life and erupt suddenly again anytime. After you have recovered, you must be careful forever after. It is like any chronic heath issue. You must take steps to protect yourself and recognise warning signs. But enough about that. The point is, I learned that nobody was going to be able to reach me, there was no moment like in movies where something wonderful happened. Nobody rescued me. I had to crawl to safety by myself. So I learned then a truth that hurts: in this world, sometimes you must do things on your own. God was with me but I was so troubled and self absorbed that I didn't feel His presence. I still find that hard. It is a weakness of mine. If you are so lonely and miserable that you want to die - you are at a crisis point. Recognise it for what it is and decide to do something. If you think only death is a good option for you, why not help someone in any way you can? It's not like you have anything to lose. We humans are made to need each other and God, I believe that. If you are so sad you want to die, it means others have hurt you or that you have no purpose. We need a purpose to give us something to live for. Find a purpose. Make it good. Help others. Give your love out. If you are going to kill yourself anyway, why not do something good first? Then the next day, do another good thing. Keep crawling along. Help someone carry something, help someone cross the road. Pick up litter and put it inthe  bin. Improve the world somehow! Keep crawling, dying ones. Crawl back to life. Day by day.

The Force Awakens

And does it ever. 

Loved it. 

Can't decide who I fell in love with the most, Finn, Poe or Kylo Ren. 

Anyway Rey was pretty cool but the truth is I felt she was the Luke stand in. 

Speaking of Luke, I love you Mark H. 

Carrie Fisher. 

Amazing. 

Harrison Ford - average. 

Never liked Han Solo much. Esp when he's - well no spoilers huh, even though everybody ever has seen it by now. 

In closing, Kylo Ren, please marry me. The end.

Debate on religion

Just a note for haters and ppl trying to pick a fight or "prove me wrong" - you can't prove me wrong because religion is almost entirely subjective which means it's about individual belief. So you believe I am wrong but I believe God is alive. Both beliefs are personal, and therefore neither is wrong in our own heads. 

So you can't prove me wrong because my life is full of experiences that cry out to me that you are wrong. And possibly you would say the same. 

It's all down to what you choose to believe. 

As for logical debate:  Religion. Is not. Based on. Ordinary logic. 

Nor is it always based on empirical proof. So therefore trying to debate starting with two different worldviews (or cultures or premises) is pointless. 

As for me, to quote someone I rather like, "It's over- I have the high ground." I am willing to believe in a creator God who gives us choice and freedom, and if you try to debate with me not believing in the same God then it's pointless. 

This is why I can't be bothered talking to people who act like a-holes. 

The end. 

Happy New Year btw! 

In Japan they say "Yoi yoi o toshi wo" which means the same.

I"m enjoying my time in Japan so far.

I hope it all goes well for the rest of my time here.