I work in a hospital-level resthome for the (mostly) elderly.
It's my job (among ridiculously more and more numerous other things) to cheer people up.
I said to one lady "Well, let's just do what we can!", because she is often caught up with what might go wrong.
I forgot that she also obsessively twists people's words. "Or whoever we can find." She commented.
"I said WHAT, not WHO." I replied hastily.
"Well, I thought you said 'Let's do who we can', you see." She explained to me, in case I did not understand the little joke she was making.
"Yes, I heard you, and I was hoping to avoid that joke."
She laughed.
This is what I do with my day.
Try to avoid people turning whatever I say into dirty jokes.
And this one wasn't dirty, it was simply mildly suggestive.
You should hear what some ladies will say.
Like the joke someone made about a young lady and the vicar, which I am not going to repeat because it's older than the old lady who told it to me.
The old men are actually much less dirty-minded in general. Or perhaps they just don't talk as much so I don't hear it.
I took this job because :
A: I needed a job, very much. Desperation? Yes.
B: I thought it might be nice to work with the elderly because they are from a different time and so on. Respect our grey-haired, wise elders etc. I blame my parents for teaching me to respect and revere my elders.
Here's a secret about the elderly which most people don't realise or don't want to say in case they seem hard-hearted.
I don't give a damn after more than two years working in this place.
THE ELDERLY ARE THE SAME JERKS AS THE REST OF US, JUST OLDER.
Most of them are not that wise.
Not that nice.
Not that friendly.
Not that great!
The only reason I can find to respect them is purely out of respect for my own beliefs.
Not anything to do with them anymore.
Most of the residents I work with are selfish, and stubborn. They are like children, only it isn't cute, and they should know better. They are not particularly interested in sharing the wisdom of their years.
They are ordinary people, but their bodies are weaker. And usually, they are pissed about that.
They hate losing their independence. So they lash out at staff.
In any way they can. Physical, emotional, sexual abuse. It all happens.
The worst part is, you have to put up with it. You can't hit back or get angry.
They have to put up with losing dignity and independence.
And we have to put up with them venting out their feelings on us.
The families of the elderly are awful too.
They have ridiculously high expectations about what mum or dad should still be able to do. They complain and sometimes yell at staff.
They are usually in denial about the fact that mum or dad is here to die. They WILL die.
The most annoying things to hear in a place like this:
1: "I pay your wages."
2: "You stupid &$%$#@$!!!" etc
3: "You people are abusing my (insert family member name here)!"
4: "When (parent) entered this place, they were still able to do (action). Now they seem to be losing their ability to do anything, you're neglecting them!" etc etc
5: "Why don't you answer the call bell? My (parent) has been waiting for 4 minutes! What were you doing?"
6: "I asked (relative) what they do here and he/she said they don't do anything. Why don't you make sure they go to the activities program?" Also, "Why doesn't (relative) go on the bus trips?"
Answers to the above :
1: No, you do not. The company does. If you leave this place tomorrow, I will still get paid.
2: I'm not allowed to get angry, but I will not put up with abuse. I am walking away.
3: If you have a complaint, please fill out a complaint form and leave it with the manager.
4: As (parent) ages, they will naturally lose their ability to do a lot of things that they used to be able to do. We do not neglect them, but we also do not force them to do things that they can no longer do. We do our best to encourage people to remain as independent as possible for as long as possible.
5: There are (amount) of people in this area, who I need to work with, and (name) also pushed his/her bell. I was with (name), and did tell your (parent) that I would be with them as soon as I had finished helping (name).
6: (Relative) does come to activities, I made sure to take him/her. (Relative) sometimes forgets things, I am sure you have noticed that. (Relative) went on the bus trip last week, here is a picture of us at the park. (Relative) tends to forget things sometimes, I am sure you have noticed that. (This reply works only if the person is able to accept that their relative is getting forgetful. Most people, even the ones in denial, will at least admit that their relative is getting forgetful.)
Here endeth the description of some issues noticed about working in my current place of work.
I did think I wanted to work with the elderly.
But there is no possibility of advancement.
The work is frustrating since it is very hard to get people involved in what it is my job to try and involve them in, i.e. ANY kind of activity to stop them staring at the wall or falling asleep with their head on the table.
I feel that it is only like this in this hospital level.
Most of my people are in pain or sick or have dementia.
Not to mention the medications they are all on, which have side effects usually including drowsiness and nausea. Ever tried to get someone who feels sore or very tired or nauseous to join in on exercises or a collage? Or ANYTHING?
NOT REWARDING.
Perhaps in a normal resthome it would be better.
But NO!
I know someone who works in a retirement village and basically, they are bigger jerks than this lot. Because they are told that everything they want, they can have. They are always right. Even when they are wrong. So quite a few of them are BIG BIG (insert expletives here)s.
They are rude to staff, have an attitude like a rich teenager (i.e. extreme entitlement), and complain all the time. They are bossy and pushy and also stingy, refusing to pay for things. Even though they have a lot of money.
Some are not like this, but for every 4 nice people there are at least 2 or 3 #%@$.
And the families are awful too. They are rude to staff, complain, make mess and don't clean up, steal from their elderly relatives, or control their money and refuse to give them money for anything they need, much less want.
People are scum, in short.
Family?
Don't make me laugh.
Many of these so-called families treat each other worse than they would treat a stranger.
It sickens me.
And I haven't been working at this place for that long compared to the 20-years or more staff veterans.
I get that kind of thing at my workplace too. Bad families I mean.
Ugh. Anyway I am finished for the week.
I think I want a job elsewhere.
I just don't see the point of this job anymore.
I used to feel like I was rewarded by the occasional smile I brought to people's faces, but these days, that does't do it for me anymore. Most of my residents will smile one second, then two seconds later be angry with you for doing something that you didn't even do. It's not work it, they don't connect properly with you or anything.
I spent months carefully building a good relationship with one woman, only to have her go crazy on me and scream horrible abuse at me for an offence which I did not do, having been on the other side of the hospital at the time. What mystified me was why she chose me to blame.
Then I realised. She had trouble remembering names.
After I spent so much time with her, mine was one of the few names she remembered.
So I got punished for that big time by her abusing me for something that another staff member did, but she couldn't remember that person's name. Ridiculously, the staff member who actually did what she accused me of, had not actually done anything wrong.
But this woman was delusional and abusive (e.g. one of those people who, if she is left at the dining room table alone for more than one minute, has somehow magically been trapped and abandoned for hours. That was the gist of her accusation towards me. Again, I was not even involved in her transport to that lounge....). So I got all the problems, simply because I tried to befriend this crazy woman. I learned my lesson. No more wasted time on the crazy ones. Usually they are easy to spot. I have learned now not to spend much time with them at all. It NEVER does you any good.
Anyway, it's the weekend and I avoided taking on extra weekend hours even though my boss wanted me to. Yay! One pitfall avoided. Several million still available to fall into. :(
Have a good weekend!
