I am very happy here in my room. It is New Years Day and it is hot.
The birds under my window on the driveway are eating the breadcrumbs I put out for them earlier on. There is one little female sparrow who is trying to make a male feed her, by fluttering her wings and chasing him around with her beak pointed upward.
At least, I assume this means, 'Feed me!'. It may mean something else. It is no longer Spring, so I assume it is not love on her mind. I like to be in my room, by myself on the computer, or reading, with my bare feet resting on the wooden board floor. It is polished wood, and kind to my feet.
I enjoy reading Fiction. Lots of it, gentle Fiction, not savage stuff that is coarse and modern, all about unpleasant people who do nasty things to each other and never enjoy themselves, except when they shouldn't. Even sex is not supposed to be enjoyed properly anymore.
People throw out ideas and paint pictures in Fiction on tv and in movies and books but they forget that this is what builds the world now. I don't want a world built on cruelty and selfishness and psychosis. Psychopaths are too much talked about. First psychopaths and child molestors. Now vampires and werewolves, angels and demons, and witches and wizards. I am bored with every book churned out and sat upon shelves, books that cost more than they are worth in paper and ink and in copycat ideas. Cheap, cheap, cheap.
Everyone's opinion is trotted out at any occasion, and I am learning not to speak. It used to be that there was a saying of some sort along the lines of; 'Wise men keep silent, fools talk loudly and betray themselves.' I thought that is would be nice to be able to be quiet and to be thought wise. But now I know that often my own views are only my opinions and I usually know only a very little about whatever the subject is. So then when I try to tell people what I think, I sound foolish very quickly.
But I now understand that;
A: I don't need to know everything. That is a sad belief these days, that you should know a little about a lot. That is usually useless. Don't bother. Learn what you need to know and then focus on your hobbies, just don't try to know everything.
B: I don't need to share my opinion on much at all, even if asked. Everyone thinks they are the most important person, because that is how the media has portrayed the customer. Never in history have the media and marketing groups had so much control over us all. Don't listen to them. I am sorry to tell you this, but nobody is all-important, it is not all about you, after all. It is about US. We forget each other. We are scared, because we get cut off in lines at the bank, or on the motorway by selfish rude people, we are afraid of not getting everything we want or deserve. We don't always deserve what we want. And being vicious or selfish and desperate will not save you from people who are like that. It just makes things worse for everyone who you encounter.
C: People don't always recognise true wisdom, nor do they care about other's opinions unless they match to their own. And they do not always want to hear the truth, even if it is gently told. So I will keep learning to be quiet and gracious in a noisy, jostling world.
I want to give someone something, even if it is only a little respect, by letting them go ahead of me, or smiling at someone (I am not well-off, and not powerful, and have little of my own to give, or share, but that is not always important). It matters in the end. I believe that it all adds up, somewhere. If bad things add up (and they do, that's why so many people commit suicide) then good things will add up too. The sad thing is that good needs to be done more than bad, as bad is heavier, and so is harder to balance out. That is why bad memories last longer.
Well, Happy New Year.
I don't make resolutions. Too much pressure.
I just say, 'This year I want to do this and this, and have a cup of tea in the sun, and watch the birds.' And then I can do those things, easily.
:)
