*flu-ox, it sounds a little like flu-ox* >_<

So I was on this stuff, this anti-depressant for my 'mood disorder'.
Mood disorder, what kind of bollocks is that? I mean, I was very sad and angry a lot, cried at nothing, or everything, and wanted to kill myself. Felt like a piece of abc gum on the bottom of someone's shoe. Tired, no motivation. Sounded like depression to me. I go to the doctor at last. He calls it a 'mood disorder' and tells me there are lots of kinds of pills but there are cheap ones and expensive ones.
I asked him, 'Is there a difference in the quality?' He told me no! Good grief. I pay $3 for a pack of like 30 pills I think it was, and it's just as good as the $40 ones. 'They do the exact same thing.' He told me. I was quite surprised.
There, my life summed up quite well, like 3 years of my life all in one go.Went to uni, started on the meds, studied japanese, loved it, ran outta money, saw my loan, panicked and went home. Eventually got off meds. Ok, now it's summed up.
There were complications. A guy. Lost him damn quick. Friends made and now probably mostly lost. That guy... I wanted him to be something that he didn't want to be. He wasn't interested. But he was very kind, even if he was painfully self-absorbed.
I feel as if my whole life has been totally wasted. But then I look back and ignore what didn't happen and focus on what I learnt.
I have learnt a great deal. And I have finally recovered from my depression/mood disorder. I had it for YEARS, and never dared to think it might be something curable, I even convinced myself it wasn't real, it was just me being selfish and self-absorbed and imagining it all. It handicapped me severely. I am still actually trying to pick up the pieces. But some day I will stop, look at myself, and realise that I am whole again. I am on my way.
I could have made this a soft, melancholy thing, maybe even moving. But I am sick of melancholy. When you eat sleep, dream, breathe emotion from melancholy to serious despair every day for over 10 years, you get damn well sick of it and you just wanna either die so it's over, or you wanna get off your bum and do something about it.
It took my mother to tell me, to get me to realise and do something, and I praise God for the fact that my mother spoke to me that day. It literally changed my life.I won't tell you what she said, it is hazy now. But I am glad she said it.I still cry sometimes. But not every day. Not every week. It's so wonderful. I am free.
At last! Thank You God, because of You. And the pills.
My happy pills, as I used to call them.

Well, God Bless you.
I hope my sister is having a neat time in Fiji. I miss her.
I love you, imooto. And happy birthday again.
:)

a discovery.

Ok, I was at life-group last night. I think it's called life-group, you know how every 10 years or so, someone makes up new buzz-words and makes old things appear new to make more people want to do it. Happens all the time in the church. It's called 'contemporary' I think.
Anyway, I was at group, and they were talking about how the pastor had said that we need to act in faith.
And at first I thought, 'So? I know that, this is really baby stuff.' That shows you how conceited a person can get without realising! I didn't really know, I just thought I knew.
No, that's not quite what I mean. I mean; I knew, and know much. However most of it I do not understand properly. Once you truly understand something spiritual, you can actually do something about it, apply it to your life and reap results!
I knew this, but not until now did I ever understand. I can do it! I can actually do something constructive.
But back to what I learnt.
I learnt that Jesus can do a lot for a person, but in order for them to really start to experience miracles in their lives, people have to want something and believe, and then reach for it, and act on their faith, unflinchingly. I have been at the wanting believing stage, but never understood until now that I have to act on my faith! I have been told over and over, exactly this. However I never really understood. Until last night! It was amazing.
The verses they used to illustrate this are below.

Matthew 9
20 And, behold, a woman, which was diseased with an issue of blood twelve years, came behind him, and touched the hem of his garment:
21 For she said within herself, If I may but touch his garment, I shall be whole.
22 But Jesus turned him about, and when he saw her, he said, Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole. And the woman was made whole from that hour.

KJV www.bible.com

Now that doesn't seem like much, but it's simple. She wanted, she believed, she acted. It worked.
So many people don't really act, they just pray and wait for something to happen. You have to act!!!!!!!! Even if it's only a tiny step in the right direction. Jesus sees and he will help you.
Here is more evidence of the same thing.

Matthew 14
35 And when the men of that place had knowledge of him, they sent out into all that country round about, and brought unto him all that were diseased;
36 And besought him that they might only touch the hem of his garment: and as many as touched were made perfectly whole.

I could go on, but that's the bare bones of it. I want that for me. I want Jesus to see what I want, and see me act, and to go with me and His power to work for me.

Do you? If so, you know what you have to do now.

God Bless!
:)

This is my lovely sister. :) 

Mrowwww? 

Your Profile @ sms.ac!

Your Profile
Zodiac: Aquarius
Language: English
Ethnicity: Other
Religion: Christianity
Education: Tell you later
Occupation: Other
Smoker: Don't Smoke
Drinker: Don't Drink
Status: I'll tell you later

Personality:
• Artistic
• Independent
• Intelligent

My Interests:
• Eat
• Write

My Sports:
I'll tell you later

My Music:
• Alternative
• Christian/Gospel
• Classical
• Electronic/Techno
• Latin
• Metal
• Opera
• Pop
• Punk
• R & B
• Rap/Hip-Hop
• Rock

What I'm Looking for: The perfect apple pie.
My Turn Ons: I'll tell you later

In My Own Words:
I am a genius. I am also an artist. I am a poet, a writer. I am quite abrasive. However since I am a recluse, this is ok, as people are usually spared my personality.

My Preferences:
My Party Style: Quiet Observer
My ideal place to live: In the Heart of the City
My sense of humor: Silly
My fashion sense: Not Winning any Fashion Awards.

My Q and A:
If I could be anywhere right now, I would be: At the dairy...
The celebrity I resemble most is: Rove McManus!!!!
The last great book I read: Anything by Wodehouse.


http://beta.sms.ac/HomePage/Default.aspx
sms.ac, free texting to friend's mobile phones online!

That was my profile as I was forced to make it. However, if I had my way, it would be so much better. Never mind! I just love the image I got from someones website. I'll post it right now.

Cyborg name...

I entered my name into this thing and it came up with Robotic Electronic Being Engineered for Killing and Accurate Harm! What kind of name is that for a cute little cyborg like me???

Here's the link. Try it for yourself.

http://www.cyborgname.com/index.php?